Twilight = Brainwashing for Young Teen Girls and Lonely Middle-Aged Women

Okay, I don't rant much on this blog...I try and keep it relatively simple and interesting. But here goes for the first entry of GEEK DAD: THAT REALLY GRINDS MY PROJECTOR'S GEARS.

Twilight. International phenomenon? Or International co-dependence?

I am so thankful that I have a wife that does not like any of Stephanie Myer's books. I am very lucky to have a wife that has more than half a brain in her head when it comes to relationships and being married. If there was ever a chance in hell that my wife became a Twilight fan, or "Twaggot" as I shall refer to them from here on out, then this would be grounds for divorce. I married a woman who does not need to depend on me for anything other than what our relationship is based on: Love, Trust and companionship. Both of us would survive if we did not have these things, but fortunately we do-and we remain a strong couple due to our vast differences and many shared common values. Twilight does not have any of these things. The main character, Bella Swan (I think someone likes the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies) is the total antithesis of what teenage girls should use as a role model.

Bella arrives in a small municipality (read: town. Another reason that Meyers is a terrible writer...she writes straight out of a thesaurus. Good writing should be short and to the point. We learned that in our Mormon Middle School in 6th grade) and starts her first year of high school. Inexplicably she is stalked by several boys at the school, which is apparently new to her. WHICH, UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE PAM ANDERSON, WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. Then all of a sudden she is visited in her sleep by a vampire who is attracted to the scent of her blood rather than her personality...which is the ONLY thing I don't have a problem with. Apparently this Vampire is a "Vegetarian" and sparkles in the daylight. Yeah, I said Daylight. These guys can walk around during the day without bursting into flames. Soon she falls in love with him, and through several trials and near death tribulations involving other vampires from other clans, becomes more and more dependent on Edward (the vamp) for her survival. So...let's backtrack...he watches her in her sleep...that should be disturbing to any teen girl if anyone watches them in their sleep. But Bella is different-she loves the attention that she receives from Edward. By the end of the first book she would rather forgo any sign of independence...such as attending college, moving out and living on her own, getting her own health insurance-going to the local coffee shop by herself, e.t.c. Eventually (I have not read further than the first five chapters of book one) Edward knocks her up, further making her dependent on him for support-and she might die because she is mortal. Ridiculous, eh? So I ask--should teen girls look to her as a heroine? Sure...if they are twelve years old and don't know how the world works yet. But unfortunately, most of the fans are older than twelve...and this is where it gets really disturbing.

CougarTwaggots. That's right. Middle-Aged women who seek out men like Edward because they are perfect and they will be "taken care of." Most of these women don't have enough courage to face life after their divorce, their first child, their second divorce, their second child...their affair with the tall dark and handsome twentysomething poolboy and then their third marriage when they "settle" for someone to take care of them. Now it's sad that these women have such lonely lives and unfulfilled dreams. Hell, I'd love to have had a chance to date Bettie Page--who was a load of insecurities and mental problems herself, but I won't ever get to do that. Instead I found someone who challenges me. Someone who doesn't let me off the hook...someone who isn't afraid to scrap with me, and most of all someone who isn't dependent on me. For all those reasons (which sometimes can be the hard times in a marriage) I am grateful for my wife. There are a plethora of other reasons that make our marriage great, too many to list here-suffice it to say, EVERYONE ARGUES. EVERYONE GROWS AND CHANGES. And most of all, NO ONE IS PERFECT: I.E> A FREAKING SHINY VAMPIRE THAT LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY NO MATTER WHAT.

What do I say to the Twaggots out there? Read "The Golden Compass" by Phillip Pullman. (OMG, It's anti-religion and hates God. Get over it...it's a book. It's got talking polar bears in it for Christ's sake.) This book features a brilliantly written female lead character named Lyra Belacqua. She grows. She changes. She makes mistakes....and through learning to live with someone, she knows love. And she knows what it is like when love is lost.

Now, the disclaimer: I am not Female. I am not a fan of Twilight. I have not read more than five chapters of the first book. I understand that "Twilight" is a work of fiction, and therefore it is interpreted as such by MOST people who read it. But it's those few people that take it to heart that overshadow all of the common sense readers that read it. I think most girls who read it understand that it is essentially a Danielle Steele novel with Vampires. The ones who don't understand that are what give Twaggots the aforementioned name.

GET OVER YOURSELVES. GROW UP. BE A WOMAN, NOT A WHINY BITCH WHO FEELS ENTITLED TO A PERFECT MAN.

And that's what really Grinds my Projector's Gears.