Twilight = Brainwashing for Young Teen Girls and Lonely Middle-Aged Women

Okay, I don't rant much on this blog...I try and keep it relatively simple and interesting. But here goes for the first entry of GEEK DAD: THAT REALLY GRINDS MY PROJECTOR'S GEARS.

Twilight. International phenomenon? Or International co-dependence?

I am so thankful that I have a wife that does not like any of Stephanie Myer's books. I am very lucky to have a wife that has more than half a brain in her head when it comes to relationships and being married. If there was ever a chance in hell that my wife became a Twilight fan, or "Twaggot" as I shall refer to them from here on out, then this would be grounds for divorce. I married a woman who does not need to depend on me for anything other than what our relationship is based on: Love, Trust and companionship. Both of us would survive if we did not have these things, but fortunately we do-and we remain a strong couple due to our vast differences and many shared common values. Twilight does not have any of these things. The main character, Bella Swan (I think someone likes the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies) is the total antithesis of what teenage girls should use as a role model.

Bella arrives in a small municipality (read: town. Another reason that Meyers is a terrible writer...she writes straight out of a thesaurus. Good writing should be short and to the point. We learned that in our Mormon Middle School in 6th grade) and starts her first year of high school. Inexplicably she is stalked by several boys at the school, which is apparently new to her. WHICH, UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE PAM ANDERSON, WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. Then all of a sudden she is visited in her sleep by a vampire who is attracted to the scent of her blood rather than her personality...which is the ONLY thing I don't have a problem with. Apparently this Vampire is a "Vegetarian" and sparkles in the daylight. Yeah, I said Daylight. These guys can walk around during the day without bursting into flames. Soon she falls in love with him, and through several trials and near death tribulations involving other vampires from other clans, becomes more and more dependent on Edward (the vamp) for her survival. So...let's backtrack...he watches her in her sleep...that should be disturbing to any teen girl if anyone watches them in their sleep. But Bella is different-she loves the attention that she receives from Edward. By the end of the first book she would rather forgo any sign of independence...such as attending college, moving out and living on her own, getting her own health insurance-going to the local coffee shop by herself, e.t.c. Eventually (I have not read further than the first five chapters of book one) Edward knocks her up, further making her dependent on him for support-and she might die because she is mortal. Ridiculous, eh? So I ask--should teen girls look to her as a heroine? Sure...if they are twelve years old and don't know how the world works yet. But unfortunately, most of the fans are older than twelve...and this is where it gets really disturbing.

CougarTwaggots. That's right. Middle-Aged women who seek out men like Edward because they are perfect and they will be "taken care of." Most of these women don't have enough courage to face life after their divorce, their first child, their second divorce, their second child...their affair with the tall dark and handsome twentysomething poolboy and then their third marriage when they "settle" for someone to take care of them. Now it's sad that these women have such lonely lives and unfulfilled dreams. Hell, I'd love to have had a chance to date Bettie Page--who was a load of insecurities and mental problems herself, but I won't ever get to do that. Instead I found someone who challenges me. Someone who doesn't let me off the hook...someone who isn't afraid to scrap with me, and most of all someone who isn't dependent on me. For all those reasons (which sometimes can be the hard times in a marriage) I am grateful for my wife. There are a plethora of other reasons that make our marriage great, too many to list here-suffice it to say, EVERYONE ARGUES. EVERYONE GROWS AND CHANGES. And most of all, NO ONE IS PERFECT: I.E> A FREAKING SHINY VAMPIRE THAT LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY NO MATTER WHAT.

What do I say to the Twaggots out there? Read "The Golden Compass" by Phillip Pullman. (OMG, It's anti-religion and hates God. Get over it...it's a book. It's got talking polar bears in it for Christ's sake.) This book features a brilliantly written female lead character named Lyra Belacqua. She grows. She changes. She makes mistakes....and through learning to live with someone, she knows love. And she knows what it is like when love is lost.

Now, the disclaimer: I am not Female. I am not a fan of Twilight. I have not read more than five chapters of the first book. I understand that "Twilight" is a work of fiction, and therefore it is interpreted as such by MOST people who read it. But it's those few people that take it to heart that overshadow all of the common sense readers that read it. I think most girls who read it understand that it is essentially a Danielle Steele novel with Vampires. The ones who don't understand that are what give Twaggots the aforementioned name.

GET OVER YOURSELVES. GROW UP. BE A WOMAN, NOT A WHINY BITCH WHO FEELS ENTITLED TO A PERFECT MAN.

And that's what really Grinds my Projector's Gears.

DETOX

This geek Dad has gone to extremes in the past few months. I have gone form being a fairly independent and self aware person who was not a father, to a dribbling insecure non-sensical person who is a father. That all has to change at some point, and earlier I had posted that I am trying to change my geek outlook on life.

Well friends, the main issue that I have danced around for several months finally came up and slapped me and my wife in the face: my compulsion (possibly addiction) to playing video games. I know, I know....John quitting gaming?!? *GASP* Before you all freak out...it is more of a moratorium on gaming until this November. I really have to find other things to focus on, such as my family. Let's just say that gaming became a very big budgetary issue, and quite frankly...my family needs a budget. We HAVE to provide for a new little one, and I was doing my best to try and preserve my wants and...well wants, while not contributing to any other needs that this family has.

So what steps have I taken?

1.) I no longer own an Xbox 360. I pawned it. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. As if to underscore my mood and sadness, as I was pawning my Xbox, a thunderstorm formed overhead and torrential rain fell for the time I was inside the building pawning the damn thing. As I emerged from the mall, what greeted me was roiling clouds and a clap of thunder mixed with the sweet smell of freshly fallen rain and P.F. Chang's. I think that is very poetic--in a new outlook on gaming sort of way.

2.) I pawned (almost) all of my games along with my console. I kept a few (Red Dead Redemption being one of them) so I can possibly play in the future.

3.) I have to find something to replace the hole (and yes it is a hole) that gaming has made in me. I used to look for any opportunity to turn on that damn box and play...going so far as to stay up past everyone's bedtime to play into the wee hours of the morning. So...since I have weight issues as well as slight rage issues (I get angry really REALLY easily...you wouldn't like me when I am angry); I have decided to take some form of martial arts. It will force me to focus on something, and it will be a structured environment that I can work with other people in so that I can become more healthy and mentally centered.

Thus the Detox has begun. I have allowed myself a few concessions: WE still have a PS3 in the house, so I will allow myself to play games that I already have...which amount to the two Uncharted games and MLB the show 09....but I am not allowed to purchase any games until November. I have also canceled my gamefly account....and Netflix....so I will be forced to find a way to entertain myself to some degree. Perhaps I can help out with a certain pod cast more now.....

DETOX.

Used Cartoonists and Helmsmen

Recently I have had very good luck finding "used" autographs of a few celebrities. How does one do this, you may ask?

You must haunt the hallowed halls of musty used book stores with the tenacity of a man who wished the world would end so that he would not be disturbed during his reading...

It is actually as if you stumbled upon a small hidden treasure that no one else seemed to notice. My case in point: Recently when awaiting a large payout for a large amount of DVDs that we no longer watch, I sauntered over to the Entertainment section in our local Half-Price Book store. While perusing the wares (Copies of "Roger Ebert's Movies" and Howard Stern's "Private Parts" and "Miss America" caught my eye mostly) I noticed a very clean spine that didn't look too beat up. The title was "To the Stars: The Autobiography of George Takei, Star Trek's Mr. Sulu." I was instantly intrigued as I had heard George Takei speak about his book...at length...during the many appearances on the Howard Stern Show. I thumbed open the book, and there smack dab on the front page was his autograph! It read "To Ben, All the Best George Takei." My heart skipped a beat for a moment, as I thought that there would instantly be a hundred people who would want to purchase the book just on the fact that he had touched it at some point....like Gollum I cradled my preciousssss close to my chest as I awaited the keeper of the sales to announce whether or not I would get a decent amount of money for the crate of merch I had just brought in. I then realized that I must be a truly paranoid person... how many people who aren't Star Trek fans, let alone fans of George Takei would be in the store at that very moment thinking "Gee, I wonder if they have an autographed copy of his memoirs lying around?"

Not only was I lucky with Mr. Sulu turning up in the store, but a few months back I was able to snag Berke Breathed's signature as well. For those of you who are not "in the know," he did a little comic strip called "Bloom County" back in the eighties and another strip called "Outland" in the nineties. It on a copy of a children s' book he had written entitled "Mars Needs Moms."

I just feel rather fortunate to have a piece of Takei in my home now. Years ago, way back in 1987 or 88, George Takei came here to Lexington to a Star Trek convention. As part of the convention he appeared at a run-down video store in Eastland shopping center to promote the release of "Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home" on VHS. I have a very cold and distinct memory of my father and I waiting in line at that place in the cold to meet "Some guy from Star Trek" and get a movie. I was ushered in (I guess I was 5 or 6 at the time) and brought before Mr. Sulu and couldn't have been met by a more friendly and accommodating guy. I didn't really know who he was and he explained who he was and taught me the vulcan salute. Somewhere in the great beyond there is a picture of George Takei teaching me the Vulcan salute, and I wish I still had it. I have a fond memory of that afternoon and I am glad that I have his autograph once again. Sorry Ben, you missed out.

A New Balance With the Force

So I have been adjusting to being a father lately. It is the hardest thing that I have ever done. It has not been easy, but so far even though there have been bumps and beeps and boops along the way it has been totally worth it.

It has caused me to re-evaluate what I can and can not do with my free time, and that has been the part that has been so hard for me to deal with. Luckily, I have the best wife ever, and I love her dearly for being so patient and loving toward both me and our son.

Eli is growing like a weed, and as he gains new skills (like almost being able to support his own head weight, recognizing objects and learning that he can interact with them as well as precise motor control) it makes me want to help him along the way all the more. We have had problems learning when night is day and day is night, but his sleeping patterns have slowly gotten better. That means that Mom and Dad have been getting bits more sleep when we can and however we can. He is already growing out of 3 month old clothes, and he is only one and a half months old...he is a regular hosscat! He is starting to recognize that there are different times that he goes through each day, like wake up time, lunch time, play time, belly time and so forth. I am amazed at how much he has learned and how fast he is growing.

Anyway, back to the original reason why I am posting today: I have to find my new balance with The Force. I am learning how to manipulate it to certain degree, but to no lengths that Luke ever did (lest you think I am mad, I am using this as a metaphor). I have found that if I re-evaluate the way I think about how I feel and that I can control that...that gives me power. I have been given the advice recently that I am a very stubborn person. Thus I have transferred my stubbornness to becoming frustrated....I will simply CHOOSE to be more stubborn than my frustration, thus it will not be a factor in how I deal with daily things in my life. Through this maxim alone I have gained incredible patience with things that before hand I would find infuriating. It is only the first step, however. There is a long way to go and I am looking forward to going to therapy to help me deal with that.

Apart from this craziness that I am going through, I have no real nerd news to report. Oh only this:

That's right. That's Princess Leia. Friends over at ORCCA CAST managed to snag Carrie Fisher's autograph at the recent C2E2 convention. It is the greatest thing ever. Now all I have to do is manage to get Mark Hamill's autograph and I will be a happy man. (That plus the three other Ghostbusters that aren't Winston.) I know that I don't have too many readers, but this will hopefully be the last introspective post that I make for awhile. I hope that I can add to the nerdery in the near future. I have an idea for a post about my son's toys that he can't even play with at the moment....

Excuse me while I Re-invent myself...

Okay, I know that I have not posted anything in a long while. I fully intend to...I just have taken the past few weeks to get used to having Baby Eli in my life. Understandably, it has been an interesting time for me. It has been the hardest thing that I have ever done. I have to thank my wife for standing by me and being there for me when I thought I would be on my own emotionally again. That just makes me love her all the more.

As far as myself goes, well...this Geek Dad needs some therapy. No, really. I am going to start attending some sort of Cognitive behavioral therapy in the near future. I need to learn how to deal with some of the very strong emotions that have been released the last few months...and I need to do it without putting stress on other people.

So what does this mean? It means that I may not be posting as regularly as I would like to online. I shall continue to do so in one form or another. I also would like to apologize because some of the content may be a little awkward and strange, but it will be entertaining in the very least!!!

So...bear with me. More will be coming soon. GO CHECK OUT ORCCA CAST WHILE YOU WAIT!!!

Lost in Sleep

Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

I haven't been able to post very much recently as the family has been adjusting to the arrival of Eli to the homestead.

One thing has to be said: I am proud to be a father, but it is starting to get hard to balance my life with his. Now, before everyone goes and gets upset because I am whining about some sort of "loss of independence," I have to say a few things.

1. I am proud to be a father.
2. It has made the days longer as well as the nights, but that just means I have an excuse to stay awake and watch Lord of the Rings with my son. (You'll get it eventually.)
3. Balancing jobs and worrying about what is happening at home is extremely difficult. I go to work and just wish I was at home so I could help out--and to some degree when I am at home I worry about work.

Now on to the whiny bit: It is hard to balance what I want to do with what needs to be done. I didn't realize how much of my life was frivolously spent playing video games and doing silly nerd things. As of now however, it is even hard to find time to look for a job let alone get a few quests in on WoW. I suppose it is all relative, I don't need to do all the things I used to do...but like a finely cut cocaine, some of the things that I like to do are hard to cut back on. (I.E. GAMING.)

All in all things are going well...I wouldn't trade the sleepless nights...okay maybe one of them...for anything else in the world now. I feel compelled to meet all of his needs even though I don't understand what all of his needs are. (Which are few at the moment...but it's hard to read a baby's mind.)

Plus, Mom is helping Dad out as well. She is the bedrock and the guidance which I need to help out as much as I can in the house and with Eli. I am very lucky to have her. (Plus she looks bangin' for having given birth only two weeks ago.)

For now...Geek Dad out. Perhaps I will have a true geek post here in the next few days.

The Blog of Eli.

So, this past Saturday I was learning how to put together a Graco Pack 'n Play. Between 4 people and three degrees between us, you'd think that it would be a quick easy and painless affair. Not so.
The instruction manual was in three different languages-very hepful to the international community, but rather confusing to us who need one language.

Insert Rod A into Hole B.

(INSERT ROD A INTO HOLE B IN SPANISH)

(INSERT ROD A INTO HOLE B IN FRENCH)

(INSERT ROD A INTO HOLE B IN GERMAN)

Only after the four different languages was there a diagram of what that particular step was supposed to look like, and even then the diagram was a tiny picture that was extremely unclear. Eventually we threw the instruction booklet to the side and began inserting all the rods into various holes until the said play-pen was assembled. We all joked at how long it took us to complete it and that we had a few weeks before we actually had to use it.

That night Eli was born. At 1:59 a.m. my life changed as I knew it. Now, I realize that as cliched as these moments sound, the actual birth was nothing like I expected. It was loud and intimidating, and stressful...and I was worried sick about my wife who had been stuck with an epidural and was just as scared as I was. Both she and I were in a room filled with professionals there to do their jobs, and do it they did. In less than 5 minutes, Eli was born. I was speechless...but what made it incredible was the fact that my wife and her mother (who was allowed to accompany us in the OR) made the most interesting and beautiful sounds as Eli came out. (For those of you wondering, he emerged from his C-section incision, took a breath of air and promptly let out a screech so loud as to let the whole hospital know he was here...then he peed on the doctors.) At this point I am silent...listening to the unbridled joy that was my wife and mother-in-law. It was as if there was no way for them to verbalize the joy...it sounded as if they were both riding "The Racer" at King's Island...experiences the speed and dips and plunges of the track...but they weren't. They instantly loved him. While I was trying to figure out what they sounded like I was literally dragged over to the cleaning table with Eli on it and told by an attendant to "touch him, he;s your son." I timidly reached down and touched his chest which was very hot and warm. Then I knew how Amy and Marsha felt...I knew why they made those noises...I just cried.

It was emotional. I can't write it out. I didn't know him for nine months, then in an instant I loved him. That was my true introduction to fatherhood. Now...on to becoming a father...

Which I am...but I am still learning. The first two nights were interesting...no sleep was had by anyone...and we had the most trouble getting him to learn how to breastfeed. Sleepless nights (which I am writing through right now) are now to be expected, but I have learned something un-expected from all of this.

Throughout the advice given by family members, Lactation Consultants, Doctors, friends....one thing remains true: Whatever instructions you are given are not set in stone. There is no one way to raise a child...so "Inserting Rod A into Hole B" (even though that's how we got into this mess) may not be the ONLY way to do things. It doesn't take degrees. It doesn't necessarily take experience...it just takes time to learn how to raise a child. It also takes the love and support of a wonderful wife, as well as a wonderful family. I already have thought ahead to taking Eli to King's Island for the first time. Baseball, movies....but even through thinking of that...you take it one step at a time...and you always listen to what others say. But most of all, you do what you think needs to be done to help Eli above everyone else. The only instruction manual you need is the one you figure out. And boy oh boy, are we figuring it out.